your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
