How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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