After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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