i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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