Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

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(208): View more from Idaho

She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.

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(801): View more from Utah

i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?

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(209): View more from California

My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!

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(607): View more from New York

Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again

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(720): View more from Colorado

"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."

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(217): View more from Illinois

I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else

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(870): View more from Arkansas

This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.

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