i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
