Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
