Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
