i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
