I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
