I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
