wat bout pragnant strippers??
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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