I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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