Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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