He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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