We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How does one acquire holy water?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
