I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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