I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
