if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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