i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
