Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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