hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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