I wish I could teleport
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You've changed since you got that strap on
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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