Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
