I can tuck mytits in my pants
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
