I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
