I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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