Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
