and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
