it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
