so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
