People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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