Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
