I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
