you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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