I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
