Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
