do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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