I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
