Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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