My first STD was from a foam party
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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