I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
