The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
