Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
