I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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