yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
