Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
