there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
