He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
