wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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